2019: Condoms and Tampons

Published on January 28, 2019, this article makes fun of environmental statistics by claiming “5 condoms per every inch of shoreline on Battell Beach”. In addition, The Noodle takes a shot at the Quidditch Team (now Quadball Team) by saying joining them is an alternative to not using condoms. The article also says to keep using condoms if applying for jobs in finance, potentially making fun of finance majors since they supposedly don't care for the environment and are only pursuing money. 

Published on May 13, 2019, this article uses Proctor as an allegory to the Earth, with over-enrollment causing increase in temperature. Here, over-enrollment is analagous to overpopulation. The piece features quotes that echo environmental speeches: “We only have one Proctor. It’s high time we take care of it!” and “These greedy Admission executives are putting profits over the wellbeing of Proctor”.

Published on September 27, 2019, this article makes fun of Energy2028 initiatives by removing single-use menstrual products in favor of communal menstruation stations, which claim to be both great for the environment and build community. The piece makes fun of Energy2028 by detailing how ridiculous this would be, but it is also meant to mimic a movement on behalf of the initiative.

Also published on September 27, 2019, this article exaggerates the impacts of climate change on Middlebury's campus. It describes the Nordic Ski Team practicing on roller skis since “snow probably won’t exist in 10 years”. The piece mocks the severity of global warming and uses a tone of impending doom: “Inevitable ravaging of global warming” “Despite existential fears for the future”.